3 Keys To Attracting More Love And A Partner Who Is Truly Worthy Of You… Plus 3 Major Underlying Blocks That Push Relationships Downhill
Before we get started don’t forget to download my Free Love Transformation Energy Clearing Audio Pack, which I created to help you get started on unlocking your heart’s true power and uplifting into a higher state of love…
Your Current Love Life – When And Where Did It All Begin?
Today, in order to help you shift into that state of blissful love and romance you long for (don’t we all?) we’re going to go way back! Back to your childhood and what was going on around you and within you at the time.
Did you dream of a white wedding growing up? Were you the little girl who already had decided what her future husband would be like? Did you play house and love the idea of starting a family?
Growing up in modern society, nearly all of us are faced with “The Dream of Perfect Love” since we’re very young.
The idea that out there, is our perfect partner whom we’re meant to share a fairytale love with. White weddings, knights in shining armor, till death do us part…
And who wouldn’t want to live happily and share an amazing love with their dream partner?
But there’s a shadow side to the fairytale of romance… And I’m not just talking about the influence of dating apps, social media and online “adult video” access becoming ubiquitous in recent years…
Did Your Childhood Set The Scene For Your Adult Relationships?
If we look under the surface, love is far from the norm in today’s society.
So many end up struggling with relationships, with repeated letdowns, with feeling disillusioned in a world that seems less interested in lasting love and bonds of true romance… than with swiping left or right, hook-ups and rating potential partners out of 10.
Did you know an estimated 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce? We may be freer now than ever to pursue our ideal relationship, but sadly it doesn’t mean we’re all living in bliss.
In my coaching practice and as an energy healer I have had the unique opportunity to learn what is affecting people’s love and relationships on a deeper level. The subtle, yet crucial, underlying factors that affect whether someone is able to enjoy a happy lasting love relationship, or attracts dysfunction, negative partners and repeated disappointments.
I call these key factors “The Love Blueprint”. We all have a “love blueprint”, a collection of factors impacting our love and relationships.
Put simply, your Love Blueprint is comprised of things like:
… How you interacted with your parents in childhood
… Even all the way back to the bond you had (or didn’t have) with them as an infant
… Your family culture for love and relationships
… Whether you felt loved no matter what, or like you had to “earn” love
… What you saw around love and relationships growing up
… Any past hurts you’ve had
… Emotional patterning you developed about interacting with other people
… How you see yourself as a potential partner
… Your worldview and what you believe about love and relationships… and much more!
Have a look at this video here where I explain more about how your Love Blueprint is so powerful in steering your romantic life from behind the scenes… And how to heal and uplift your love life for the long run.
In this article I want to share with you a few insights on what causes so many people to struggle with relationships, and what you can do to avoid being one of them. In other words, how to uplift your Love Blueprint long-term, to allow for and invite in a higher state of love and connectedness, whether you’re already in a relationship, looking to improve an on-and-off-again bond or seeking a partner.
WHAT CAUSES LOVE STRUGGLES FOR SO MANY PEOPLE?
1) UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD ISSUES
It’s a well-known fact in psychology that most issues with relationships stem from childhood. The reason is this: Our basic programming for bonding with others, stems from back then. It’s when we “learned” how to interact with others and who we were in a relationship.
Whether we “deserve” and expect to get love and attention, whether we expect others to be respectful towards us or not, whether we expect to be disappointed or uplifted… These tendencies in their basic form come from childhood. If your parents were present, loving and connected with you with understanding, tenderness and patience… You’re likely to feel safe around others, like interacting with friends and potential partners is a happy thing, that others appreciate you and understand you.
However, if your parents were absent, distracted, emotionally unavailable or unstable… caught up in their own drama… You’re likely to have a number of underlying deeper feelings and negative expectations around love and relationships.
That people don’t value you, that people don’t live up to their promises, that you’re being set up for disappointment, that no one really loves you… and this can even cause a feeling that on some level you maybe don’t deserve to be loved and cherished…
As human beings we psychologically are “programmed” to seek the kind of relationship dynamic we experienced as children. Despite it potentially being negative, there’s a part of us that feels safe with it. It’s the “world” we grew into.
So in this way, so many people end up attracting partners who show them the same lack of interest as a parent did in childhood, or attract a situation where a partner cannot be present, or is incapable of understanding them… Like the little girl whose father was always at work, attracting men who are always preoccupied and don’t give her the attention she really craves.
Or the little boy whose mother was over-critical, attracting women who make him feel like he’s never “good enough”. In this way so many people repeat the negative experiences from the past, but don’t understand why it keeps happening.
When we begin to look deeper into the very foundation of where our programming for relationships come from, we can untangle so many damaging aspects of our love lives.
2) NEGATIVE SELF-PERCEPTION
This is such a common thing, and no wonder in a society that’s so filled with (air-brushed/filtered/edited) images of perfection. The unfortunate thing is that when someone is full of insecurities, whether it’s about their job, their appearance, their abilities or whatever else – it impacts the kinds of dynamics they attract with other people.
When someone doesn’t value themselves, when they’re full of inner criticisms – several things happen:
They are not confident in going for the kinds of partners they could really thrive with. They often end up with someone who doesn’t value them either – the outer negative “mirror” to their inner state. They question whether a good relationship is even possible, tearing away at positive connections with feelings of unworthiness, potentially chasing away a partner who could love them deeply… And much more
Negative self perceptions nearly always stem from childhood, just like in point number 1. Because childhood is when we “learn” about who we are, from others.
It’s the basis of how we expect others to react to us, whether we feel appreciated or “welcome” in the world and with other people. Most of us “learn” in some way as children, whether we can expect to receive love and appreciation from others – and whether it will be lasting or “taken away from us”.
Modern psychoanalysis often deals with uprooting and healing negative childhood experiences for this reason. Because how we see ourselves deep down, affects everything we do, feel and how we interact with others as adults – especially in terms of love and romance.
I developed a powerful meditation technique – an Inner Child Healing Modality – that helps clients safely dive into where these issues come from and to connect with and uplift their self perception. Dealing with their own inner child consciousness to heal any deeper basis of relationship problems.
3) LIMITING BELIEFS ABOUT LOVE
Yet again, we’re back to childhood – your current love life is powerfully affected by what you saw and were told about love growing up. In essence, it became the recipe for how you experience love.
Many people struggle with love because on a deeper foundational level they do not believe that anything else is possible. They’ve seen divorce, heartbreak, disappointment around them and have been told and shown by others (including the media) that this is to be expected.
On some level, they don’t believe that true lasting love is possible – whether or not they realize it. Unfortunately, the human system is set to seek what confirms our belief systems. (Read more about this here), When people go out seeking love with this programming in their system, they’re unconsciously attracting more negativity. They go out on default instead of uplifting their mindset and setting conscious positive intentions.
A very common stumbling block many have is negative beliefs about the opposite sex. When someone believes that men are only after one thing, or that all men cheat… This is what they’re attracting, most often.
And even if they end up with a loving partner who’s faithful, their belief that he’s “bad” will keep gnawing at them, causing distrust between them and eroding the relationship…
Upgrading your beliefs around love is a powerful way to invite in love, and not just any love – but harmonious, lasting love. What is truly worthy or you for the long run.
We deal with this and more in my coaching program – it’s one of my favorite parts of the process, when we set down new positive beliefs and begin nourishing a fertile forward path with everything you *desire* and would thrive with… Instead of being tied down by the fearful expectations the world handed to you by default.
HOW TO AVOID LOVE STRUGGLES
– UPLIFTING INTO A HIGHER STATE
1) FACE THE SHADOWS
You might have noticed that a lot of online and self-help advice pretty much amounts to this “think positively and you’ll fix your life”. Well, unfortunately, as so many have experienced, it doesn’t quite work like that. Our systems are deep. The unconscious mind is estimated to control a whopping 95% of our thoughts and feeling processes.
The deep-seated fears, beliefs, disappointments and hurts you may have in your system won’t just go away because you think positively. If anything, it can make them worse, as your system pushes for you to confront and release them.
When people try to deny pain and fear, it tends to stick around. To uplift your love relationships, attract a happier new connection and fall in love with life and yourself, it’s important to face the shadows.
Dig into what’s really going on beneath the surface. Come to grips with what childhood stuff is affecting you still, and what old hurts may be holding you in fear. When we can open up, we can heal. When we try to deny it, it only festers.
When you shine the light of awareness on negativity, it “bursts” like a troll in a fairy tale. Shadows can only control you when you’re unaware of them or trying to escape them. When you can embrace your wholeness, including the “dark side”, you begin to become invincible… Irresistible to love.
2) CLEAR OUT BLOCKS – SET DOWN THE BAGGAGE
So, when you have awareness of what’s in your system holding you back. The negative beliefs, the old fears, the remnants of hurt from old relationships, the feelings of unlovedness from childhood…
You can begin to clear these things. You can set down the baggage you’ve been carrying.
We humans are a lot like balloons. We’re made inherently “light”, but throughout life we take on burdens, fears, heaviness that keeps us tied to the ground like anchors. When we begin to clear out, heal and release old heaviness, we rise up again.
Love is a light, effervescent feeling. Fear, shame, guilt, blame, anger… they’re all heavy.
To fully attract and experience love, we have to move out of the heaviness. I often tell clients, that it’s like tuning into a radio channel. If we’re full of fear and heaviness, we’re tuned into “Heavy FM” and we can’t find love there. Love lies on a completely different frequency.
Feel into the feeling of a time you felt blissfully ecstatically loving and loved. Feels like having wings almost, right?
Now, feel into a time you were devastated, embarrassed, ashamed… Can you feel how heavy that is? And how different those two states are?
To really fully attract and experience love, we must be on that frequency of love. Living with wings.
3) CHANGE THE MOMENTUM
When we can reach a state of inner wholeness… Appreciating ourselves for who we uniquely are, we get into a magnetic state to love. We go from ‘needing’ love to *attracting* love from a place of inner wholeness.
When we try to get love from a place of fear of missing out, a panic, we unfortunately push it away from ourselves.
When we can be in a state of feeling good about ourselves in the here and now, we are magnetic to love from others too. And I know it’s not always easy, but through my work I’ve developed tools and exercises that consistently help people with this – in a lasting way.
Here’s what it contains:
Now you know how much your love life is affected by childhood experiences – can you see themes in your own life?
Can you see how your childhood dynamic with one or more of your parents is reflected in your adult relationships?
One of my favorite tools to get insight from your unconscious mind is to ask for a song. What’s the first song that pops into your mind right now?
What does it stand for, what are the lyrics about? Or, what do you associate it with? This can be a powerful way to get insights and understand what’s really going on deep down!
Do comment below with your insights, to inspire and be inspired!
Sending you love and light for your continued journey! x <3